Accueil > la chambre d’amis > Avant | résidence Laurent Herrou > Avant | 16 juin 2003
Avant | 16 juin 2003
À Paul :
« i knew u had been bumped out the other night when i saw ur pseudo disappear suddenly – it happens every day with me, and i really hate it… fact is i was bumped out too, at the precise same moment, and as my boyfriend was waking up a bit, i did not sign on again…
i thought that maybe u would drop me a note – and u did. and i’m glad u did…
u were asking me if i come often online these days, and i was saying that indeed i was, but apparently we did not share the same schedule : i’m connecting on mornings (here – ur nights), and someday on my days off (but with holidays soon, it’s gonna be more difficult for me to connect during these two coming months : boyfriend’s on holidays and although i’d like being able to tell him that i need to come online with my virtual lovers, and although he does know what i’m doing when he’s away, it’s some step i’m not taking yet)
i wish i could tell u more about me
i wish i could confide in u more – but this is not something i want because i’m miserable or sad, it’s just that, remember : we discussed about sex friends, or fuck buddies (as americans name it)… i wish u were one of these, i mean : someone i can be naked with, having sex with, being comfortable with, discuss with…
problem is (and that’s what i was asking u when u got bumped out) : did U have mixed feelings about me ?
i mean : i told u i had missed the sex… actually it’s more complicated : i needed to touch u, and we touched, but there was something in me which needed to act just like we have written to each other before… i thought afterwards about the big balls u had described, and i did not even dare to look at them when we were together… because u said u were not in the mood, because maybe i was not in this mood myself, who knows ?
i thought we would have another chance the day after, but we did not
i was upset in a way, because i thought u had not been true to me, u had said u had enjoyed it when u were disappointed… since then, u said it was not so, but the frustration remains… although i had loved it, being hugged, close to you, your hairy pecs, our bodies naked on that bed – how come it was so easy for the both of us to get naked and immediatly feel comfortable… ?
i still wish we had made love – or fuck, use the word u like ;-)
u said at some point that u were not a bottom — and i found myself thinking about it the night after, and there was so much i needed to feel, to do, to touch, to lick, to take, to grab, to hold… man, i’m hard now, don’t be surprised… it’s morning, i’m alone, i’m gonna work in a few hours, and i know i’m gonna come online before
unless u’re online
and we chat
just like before
or better than before
u tell me the truth, paul, right ?
love and take care »
9:25.
Juste avant de partir au boulot. Comme : juste avant de m’enfuir à jamais. Titres. La concordance. Je ne m’enfuis pas. Je pars au boulot, je voudrais : rester. Ici. Je voudrais veiller, comme on veille un mort. Je voudrais attendre. Ne pas agir. Ne pas agir en pure perte, ne pas : remuer.
On a vu Les lois de l’attraction, j’ai aimé malgré tout. J’écris « malgré tout », parce que ce n’était pas un bon film, ce n’était pas en accord avec ce dont je me souvenais du livre, mais. Mais ce serait comme si Nina Myers réapparaissait au sein d’un autre film, où elle jouerait un autre rôle, un autre personnage : je serais heureux de l’évocation. Comme ici des prénoms : Sean, Paul, Lauren. Puis des noms : Sean Bateman, Paul Denton, Lauren Hynde. J’ai aimé, je me suis dit à nouveau que Dimanche, 20h.50 était mes Lois de l’attraction à moi. Mon hommage, mon influençabilité. Je me suis dit que si H&O le publiait, j’écrirais quelque chose dans ce sens, quelque part. Peut-être même une phrase, une seule phrase de Bret Easton Ellis. Langue originale.
Ou pas.
Je ne possède pas Rules of attraction, je n’ai dans la bibliothèque que Les lois de l’attraction, chez 10/18, ancienne édition, un flacon et une seringue en illustration de couverture. Je vais bien. Jean-Pierre m’a rassuré à nouveau à propos de H&O, il a dit : c’est le problème avec les petites maisons, ils font tout à la fois, il faut être patient.
De la patience, je n’en ai pas.
Du temps ?
Je suis en retard.
Ou presque, ou bientôt. Pas encore.
Je suis en retard.
Je m’en fous.
_résidence Laurent Herrou | Avant | 16 juin 2003
écrit ou proposé par Christophe Grossi - @christogrossi
(site sous licence Creative Commons BY-NC-SA)
première mise en ligne
et dernière modification le vendredi 21 juin 2013